The weekend was basically a time of reflection of my life, past and future. I try not to put much emphasis on age but occasionally the thought creeps in. I'm over the fifty year mark, have I made a difference in my children's life, have I made an impact on people I've met? I think if the first part of my life has passed this fast, how much faster the remainder of my life will go. This type of thinking causes much melancholy. Is the weather being so gloomy a cause of my negative thoughts or just a natural response to life changing and getting older. Do other people feel this way? Don't get me wrong, I love my life and basically would not change any aspect of it. It's just the approaching years and where I thought my life would be like. Dwayne and I would love to have grandchildren but our children have not found their life mate and made a commitment. I am glad they haven't made a commitment that they are not ready for. It would be so hard to have a grandchild torn in opposite directions if their parents were divorced or a child born to someone my kids aren't married to. I have seen this struggle with my own nieces and nephews and no matter how much everyone loves and cares for them, there is still pain at the loss of an intact family. I think it bothers Dwayne much more than me. He feels he's missing the opportunity of teaching his grand kids things. We do watch our great nieces and nephews often and our friend's little boys, Blake and Nathan. This helps to feel the void in our "biological grandparent timeline." LOL
On a brighter note, my Mom fixed Sunday dinner once again. Even that makes me feel a sense of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I love that my Mom is still able to fix dinner for us but I also feel a sadness that my time with Mom and Dad gets shorter all the time. Most of the time, I cherish and treasure these times, but that sadness at becoming the next generation raises it's ugly head.
And what right do I have to feel that time slipping away when I am so lucky and fortunate to have my parents still with me when so many people don't.
We had a nice family meal last night. Dwayne, me, Todd, Mike and April had a good evening visiting and playing cards. The meal was nothing special, roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, cauliflower and custard pie.
Overall, another weekend of special family times.
Brothers On Maps
2 days ago
I understand where you are coming from....but Connie, you have made such a difference in soo many peoples' lives. I would say you have been (and still are) a first class daughter, wife, mother sister and friend. So thoughtful and caring... It will be fun to see what else your journey holds...hold on, the best may be yet to be!!
ReplyDeleteoh, and it may not seem like it, but Spring and sooo many wonderful adventures are on their way!
You have made an impact in my life I very glad to have you as a friend and that you get to spoil our kids while waiting for your own grandkids.
ReplyDeleteI often find myself thinking negative thoughts like those you mentioned and I think its partly due to the time of year being gloomy and then part of it from having more time to think and reflect since there isnt much to keep us busy outside.