Momma:

On Wednesday, October 28th, I went home that morning to take a shower and my medicine.
While at home, I posted about the passing process of dying
Later that day at 2:35 p.m. Momma passed away.  We were all with her except Russ.  He had gone on an errand to Rolla.  Kate and Judy held her hands, I held her foot and Dad was laying by her.  My Dad has expressed she didn't suffer.  I saw it differently as she struggled with each breath she took until the end.  I would like to think she didn't suffer.
As odd as this sounds, it was a blessing.  After watching her like this for five days, we were ready for her suffering to end and to go on to her heavenly home.  There were no tears, we were all probably just in shock.  Kate called Hospice and they came out and took care of calling the coroner and funeral home.
Katie and I turned Mom onto her back and then we washed her body.  They say God gives you extra strength to get through and I can attest to that.  I have lived in fear the past year for this time.  If only I had trusted God.
Strength, a strong word.  God gave me a strength I didn't know I had.  How could I have possibly washed my own mother's body?  How could I have cared for her and cleaned her up during the week?
How could I endure this pain without crying?  So many questions and I remember a wise woman (Mom) who has always told me we can do what we have to do.  She has been a great role model and her many words of wisdom comes to mind each day.
After Mom passed away, family started dropping by.  We reminisced about our times with Mom and different stories of events and favorite times.  It was a good healing time with our family.
Thursday, we went to the funeral home and made arrangements.  This also was an easier process than I imagined.  Mom had told me she wanted a white casket with pink flowers.  Her casket was beautiful.
 Judy wasn't feeling well from her chemo pills and went on home.  Kate and I went to Vienna to order flowers from The Flower Basket.  Angie did an excellent job with the casket spray using pinks and purple.  Katie picked out the pictures to use and I went on home to rest as I was exhausted.
Friday left a day of grieving and catching up on rest.  Visited with Dad.  That evening Dwayne and I went to Randy's Road Kill and then back to Dad's.  More visiting with family and feeling the close bond we have.
Saturday night was visitation.  I can't even begin to count the number of people that came through the line.  Wonderful tribute for Mom.  Once again that word strength came into play.  How can you stand there for  hours and not shed a tear?
Sunday was the funeral.  The pastor did a good job of portraying Mom's personality.  The only regret I have about the funeral was Mom's song wasn't sang or read.  Judy couldn't do it as she was sick.  But I so wish I had known it wasn't going to be included I would have gladly read it to the crowd.
Mom had been working on a song for her funeral.  She had been in and out of the hospital and nursing home for months.  She would come up with a verse and then Katie would right it down.
They did this over the course of the past few months.  The song is called, Me and Jesus Have This All Worked Out.
After the cemetery and still no tears the word strength came into my mind and you can do what you have to do.  I'm not saying it was easy, but there was a peace and strength in my soul.
We went back to Dad's for a dinner.  My good friends, Susan, Peggy, Pat and Bobbi set up the food and had everything ready.  Can you believe on November 1st, we were able to set up and eat in the yard?  The weather was great.
I have a message on my answering machine from Mom a few weeks ago.  I am trying to save it and I play it periodically just to  hear her voice.
I know the grief is going to hit me but for now I can honestly say, I'm doing fine.

I am so grateful to have had my wonderful mother in my life and the love of our whole family.